Perhaps one of the hardest aspects of dadhood is finding the strength to be as patient as you need to be with your kids.

More than any other area, this is where I blow it the most as a father… especially with my boys.

A few nights ago, we got the kids ready for bed, with the same routine we always use. It was the same time, they did the same things to get ready, brushed teeth, pajamas, the whole bit.

And just like normal, my son was out of bed at least five or six times in the next half hour. First it was to use the bathroom again. Then it was a drink. Then he “forgot” to give me a hug, which he’d done about three times already. All of this was an excuse to stay up instead of going to sleep.

After about the fourth or fifth time, I was starting to get frustrated. Most of the time, in our parenting teamwork, my wife deals with instances like this, because her patience level is so much greater than mine. But this time, she was busy with the baby, and I headed up the stairs to talk to my son about staying in bed…. for the rest of the night.

I have to admit, times like this really test my patience. My initial reaction was to get on to my son firmly, threatening him with a loss of privileges, such as his Nintendo DS, for the next day.

But rather than chewing my son out, I gave a herculean effort to display patience.

Over the years, I’ve discovered a few things about patience.

Impatience is a habit

If impatience is a habit, then so is patience. And in order to change a pattern of behavior, there must be a strong desire to change. Creating a strong desire comes from focusing on the benefits of patience. These benefits include such things as better decision making, developing more empathy, reducing anger and stress, and seeing more positive results with your kids.

Patience requires me to slow down

If I respond to my kids too quickly when they act in ways that are frustrating or disobedient, I’m more likely to react impatiently. Taking the time to calm down, take a deep breath and choose to not get worked up can go a long way to reducing friction with your kids.

Patience reduces stress levels

When I react without patience, it’s too easy for me to get overly worked up. This results in a snappy, surly attitude, which tears down my kids and does nothing to build them up. A stressed out dad creates an environment of fear, and not one of love.

Patience insists upon realistic expectations

Often I’ve caught myself expecting my four year old to act like my nine year old. But he simply can’t. Making sure I have realistic expectations will help me to have the patience needed when dealing with my children. In the case of my son and his inability to stay in bed, I started looking at whether I was expecting to much from him, or if I needed to change our routine a bit to help him obey better.

Patience is expected by God

Patience is listed as one of the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5. And Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:2 that we are to be patient, humble and gentle, showing love for each other. Where is this not more true than in parenting?

A word of advice: Don’t be too hard on yourself when you lose patience with your kids. Patience is a goal that we should aim for, but no dad behaves ideally all the time. So, when you mess up and lose your cool, apologize to your kids when you do become impatient. And continue working to respond to your children in a loving, patient manner, to the best of your ability.

You’ll be a better dad because of the effort, and your kids will benefit, too.

Be deliberate, Dad!

What do you do to keep your patience levels high? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.