Our culture has lost the meaning and the sanctity of marriage, at least across the broad majority. We have bought the lie that marriage isn’t important, and as a result, we have suffered the consequences. Until we replace the emphasis on marriage that it needs to hold, we will continue to reap the results of our poor choices.
I know that sounds all doom and gloom like. And I don’t want to drag your day down, but we need to see the truth about marriage, and stop buying into the lie.
Just the other day, a friend of mine told me that he and his girlfriend took their first major step towards marriage. I was excited for them, until I learned what that step was. They moved in together. They have bought into the lie, and have swallowed it hook, line and sinker.
The enemy is very proactive in destroying marriage as a holy thing, and targets individual marriages as well as the cultural understanding of marriage. I can see four specific lies that we believe.
Marriage is about my happiness
We have this idea that marriage is meant to make me happy, and if it doesn’t, then I must have married the wrong person. But that comes from an inaccurate understanding of what happiness is. Happiness is an emotion, and emotions are like a roller coaster, they have highs and lows. But just because you aren’t happy doesn’t mean that you can’t choose joy. Joy is a choice, where happiness is an emotion. Joy is the nutritional substance to the sugar high of happiness. Happiness consumes, expecting to get something out of the relationship, but joy gives, knowing that the other person comes first.
Living together is a natural first step
This is the lie that caught my friend. He thinks that this will show if they are compatible enough for marriage. He believes that this will strengthen their marriage, if and when it happens. But couples who live together before marriage are more likely to experience divorce than those who wait. But God’s view on marriage is much higher, and living together, along with sexual intimacy, is to be kept within the boundaries of marriage.
People of different faiths can get along just fine
This one has always confused me. As a youth minister, I saw numerous students go on to marry someone of a different faith, or with no faith at all. But this is at odds with Scripture. When we marry someone who does not believe as we do, it tears us apart. Marriage makes us one, and then you have two fundamental philosophies at war within that one body. Something will give, either the marriage will fail, or the believer will compromise. Neither option is acceptable. That’s why Paul tells us to avoid being unequally yoked. Marriage with someone who holds the same beliefs and ideals will be infinitely stronger.
Marriage is boring
This fourth lie is probably the most common one. People get bored with their circumstances and, rather than work to make it better, they walk away from the relationship and look for greener grass. But when you focus on your marriage, doing such things as praying together, dating each other, and serving one another, the satisfaction with the marriage, and with your spouse, just keeps growing.
There are other lies that the enemy feeds us about marriage as well. And many of them are insidious and sly, and unless we are watchful, they can trip us up. Take the time to read what Paul has to say about marriage in Ephesians 5. Read it over and over. It’s so beneficial for our marriages, and will help protect them against the lies of the enemy.
A few years ago, I officiated the funeral of a woman who took her marriage seriously. She was fairly young, in her late fifties, but had spent a vast majority of her life married. Her marriage was her top priority. At her funeral, we had her Bible opened to Ephesians 5. You could barely see the words on the page, they were so worn from her fingers running over them again and again as she read and reread that passage. And those words were lived out in every aspect of her life.
That’s the kind of marriage I want to have.
Be deliberate, husbands!
How good are you at fending off the attacks of the enemy when it comes to your marriage? Have you accepted any of these lies as truth? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.