I can see a glaring absence that’s grown over the past few decades. The absence of courtesy.

When I was a kid, I was taught to be courteous. Call it manners if you want, or politeness, or well-behaved. It’s something that seems to be missing today.

There are a few things that I remember being taught by my parents, and by my teachers. Simple things. Like allow others to get in front of you at the line for the water fountain. Open doors for people, especially those older than you. Say “please” and “thank you.”

Many of those things seem to be missing today.

Just the other day, I was at the store with a couple of my kids. We were headed to the checkout counter, and a lady with a couple of kids cut us off so suddenly that I had to stop very abruptly. It was so abrupt that my son, who was walking behind me, ran into me. It was that sudden.

But this lady didn’t even look around to see that it had happened. I know she saw me. She had to have seen me because she dodged the front end of my cart to get around me.

This is just one example of dozens that I have experienced. And they seem to be happening more and more frequently as time passes.

One of the things my wife and I have tried to instill in our kids since they were born is a sense of courtesy. As babies, we taught them sign language for “please” and “thank you.” As they learned to speak, we taught them how to say those things. Our boys have learned, and are still learning, chivalry. They open doors for others, carry bags for people, and more. Our girls have learned to help others as well, and we’ve encouraged an environment of thankfulness over entitlement.

But it hasn’t been easy. The pull of culture is strong. And it takes continual work and effort to keep ourselves on the right track.

We’ve discovered that there are two main elements to teaching your kids to live with courtesy.

Be the example

The best way to develop this behavior in your kids is to model it for them. When you show courtesy to others, your kids watch and learn. When you say “please” and “thank you,” your kids pay attention and learn to say these things as well. My wife and I take it as a compliment when someone says our kids are pleasant and courteous. That means that we’ve taught them well. Thank you.

Reinforce the behavior

The other way to develop this behavior is a two pronged approach. Reinforce good behavior, and remind them when their behavior is bad. When one of my kids does something that I want them to do in this regard, I make sure to tell them that I saw and appreciated their actions or words. And if one of my kids misses an opportunity to be courteous, we will remind them, privately if possible, more forcefully if necessary. The more often we keep courtesy before them, the more they will learn it.

Courtesy is becoming a lost art in our culture. So when your kids display this towards those around them, they shine. People notice. And it will provide lasting benefits.

So, make sure to teach your children to be courteous. It’s worth every bit of effort.

Be deliberate, Dad!

Do you receive compliments on how courteous your kids are? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.