Change is a part of life. That’s a fact that we can do nothing about. But we can do something about our reactions to change. For you and me, dealing with change is tolerable, at least. We’ve had enough experience in life to expect change, and to be able to handle is somewhat well. Our kids, however, may not be able to deal with change as well, simply because they haven’t had that many opportunities to experience it.
We need to help them work through changes in life in positive ways.
My family is on the verge of experiencing a new change. We are moving halfway across the country in a couple of weeks. Not too long ago, we moved to Florida to begin a new phase in my youth ministry career. What we didn’t know is that it would be my last role as a youth minister. For the past few months, I’ve become increasingly convinced that God is leading us away from working with teens and into more of a lead role with a church. Because of this, I accepted the position of senior minister with Cabool Christian Church, in Cabool, Missouri.
That means that later this month we will be loading everything we own, and making the journey back to the Midwest to begin something new. Not only is is a big move, but it’s a new town, a new church, and a completely new role for me.
People seem to be surprised that our kids are handling it so well. I’m not. My kids are as excited about the possibilities as my wife and I are. They are looking forward to beginning a new role, with new relationships, while being closer to old friends and family.
I believe my kids are accepting this change so well because I’ve done at least three things. These are three things you can do to help your kids handle change well also.
Listen to their fears
From the very beginning of this process, I laid out our plan in detail for my older children. My oldest daughter’s first concern was leaving the new friends she’d made here. At that point, I face a crucial decision: I could help her process this change or I could ignore it, leaving her to deal with it on her own, and in effect, push her away. I chose to help her process this change. We examined the situation together, seeing both the pros and the cons, and looking for things that might make the move easier for her. Because I was right there with her, and because I was so confident, she grew in her own confidence concerning this change.
Encourage them
Encouragement goes a long way in helping your kids grow. When we visited Cabool for the interview and to meet the church, my kids had the opportunity to meet some potential new friends. Heather and I encouraged each of our kids to open up and get to know these new friends. And since we returned from that trip, we’ve continued to encourage our kids about the move. In fact, a couple of the kids have already planned to have some new friends over once we get settled in somewhat.
Make it fun
With all the work yet to be done, sorting, organizing, packing, and loading, it seems a little overwhelming. But if I’m overwhelmed and stressed, my kids will pick up on that and be stressed also. So my wife and I are trying to make it as fun as we can. The younger kids have a game we play, which results in a box or two packed every day. They enjoy it. We are also looking along our route to see what might be worth stopping to see when we make the move. A great resource for this is Roadside America. And while it is a lot of work, it seems to go by faster when having fun together.
Those are three ways I’ve found to be useful for helping my kids process big changes better. I’m sure that they will be a help to you as well.
Be deliberate, Dad!
How do you help your kids process change? What would you add to this list? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.