I ran across this quote from Tim Keller last week. I don’t remember where I found this, but at some point, I saved it in Evernote, and it popped up into view late last week.

An unforgiving heart is an unforgiven heart.

This is true on so many levels, both personally and spiritually. But it is especially true for us as dads.

Our kids are young and just embarking on this journey called life. Because they don’t have the life experience that you and I have, they will mess up occasionally. Sometimes frequently. And sometimes, it will seem like all you are doing is correcting them, or disciplining them, or simply being frustrated with them.

We have been experiencing this with one of our boys. It seems like every time I turn around, I am having to get on to him for something. He is always in trouble. It’s frustrating for my wife, and it’s frustrating for me.

One one hand, I understand. He’s changing from a boy into a young man. He’s growing. He’s maturing. He’s trying new things, testing his wings. I get that. I really do. I was there once, and I’m sure my parents grew frustrated with me as well.

What that means is that my son needs my forgiveness as much as he needs my correction. He needs to know that it’s okay to spread his wings, and when it is appropriate or not appropriate to do so.

I need to be correcting, but I also need to be forgiving.

And, according to Keller’s comment, as well as Scripture, my own forgiveness hangs in the balance. Jesus told the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:21-35. It’s somewhat lengthy, but it bears repeating here:

Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

My own forgiveness hangs in the balance. My own forgiveness depends, at least in part, on my ability to forgive others. And that includes my son.

I do not want my kids to know me as unforgiving and unforgiven.

Forgiveness is essential.

Be deliberate, Dad!

Do you communicate your forgiveness to your kids? You can leave your thoughts in the comments below.