I was a youth minister for more than twenty years. And, for the last couple years of that time, my oldest daughter was a part of my ministry. It was kind of fun, having one of my own kids take part in my ministry, as a participant.

But almost a year ago, I stepped out of youth ministry and became the lead pastor of a church. I had to let go of everything I knew, and start moving in a new direction. And I had to let someone else take the lead when it comes to youth ministry in our church.

That has been harder for me than I thought it would be.

Over the weekend, my daughter went with the youth group, and without me, to a weekend teen conference at Silver Dollar City, a theme park not too far from where we now live. I didn’t get to go. This is the first time one of my kids have participated in a major church event without me being there.

That has been harder for me than I thought it would be, too.

I’m glad she got to go. I’m glad she is involved and active in our youth ministry. I’m excited that she is growing to become a wonderfully strong and godly young woman. But I wish I could have gone.

So as I sat at my desk writing this (while she was gone), I reflected on how best to keep my focus. I came up with two major thoughts.

Remember yesterday…

Nostalgia is perfectly okay. It’s alright that I look back and long for the days when I was the one leading the youth events that my daughter was a part of. And I know that she was proud of her dad in that role. Just as she’s proud of her dad now. I can look back, remembering those times with fondness.

But be present today!

But I also have to remember that we are not still in that reality. Our lives have changed, and my role has become vastly different than it was. I still participate in our youth ministry here at our church, but my role is supportive and helpful, and not a leadership role. We have a very competent guy in that role, and he’s doing an exemplary job.

What I need, and what my daughter needs, is for me to be present in my current role. And so, I took the opportunity to pray with her that morning before she left. I prayed that she would be safe and make wise choices. But I also prayed that she would be a strong leader with her friends as they go to the park, and as they stay at the hotel. I prayed that her godliness would infect those around her and that she would be a beacon of light.

I know that this was an easy thing to do when her dad was the youth minister, and right there all the time. It may be harder now, with me not right there. But I’m confident that she can do it.

So I need to let her go, resting assured that the work I’ve done to help lay a spiritual foundation in her life is enough, and that Christ will take care of the rest.

As my role changes, my daughter needs me more than ever, but in a different way than she did before.

The challenge for me is to step into that role and lead my daughter, and my family, comfortably and confidently.

That’s your role too, dad. no matter what season your family is in, lead comfortably and confidently.

Be deliberate, Dad!

I still have kids ranging in all ages in my house, from high school down to the nursery. That means I still will have plenty of opportunities to participate in our youth and children’s ministries. What season is your family in right now? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.