Hey Dads! I’m so glad you are here for Episode 12 of the DadCast!
It’s easy to get caught up in parenting, staying focused on the kids, and neglect one of the most important relationships in your life.
That’s the relationship with your wife.
In order to be the best dad you can be, you also need to be the best husband you can be.
Your kids need to see your marriage as a firm foundation and a safe place.
So, maintaining and prioritizing your relationship with your wife is what Episode 12 of The DadCast is all about!
Click To Listen
Episode Notes
DadCast Encouragement
In order to be the best dad you can be, you also need to be the best husband you can be. Your kids need to see just how much you love their mother. They need to see that you are working to make that relationship better than ever.
That means you have to prioritize it. You have to be as deliberate and intentional in this as you are in your dadhood skills.
Studies show that kids from homes with great marriages are more stable, more secure and happier than other kids. That just makes sense; creating a home environment that is a great environment provides kids with a sense of permanence, and it allows them the freedom to stretch their wings, knowing that there is a safety net in the home.
In order to be the best dad you can be, you need to prioritize the relationship with your wife over almost everything else. In my opinion, only your relationship with God should be a higher priority. You wife comes next.
Being a successful husband and building a great marriage is critical to being the best dad you can be.
Finding out what it takes to prioritize and maintain the greatest relationship possible with your wife is what Episode 12 of The DadCast is all about!
Dadhood Resource
- His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley
Other Resources mentioned in this episode of The DadCast
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Josh McDowell’s One Year of Family Devotions
- Your Family Time With God by John Maxwell
How To Be A Great Dad!
Here are the first five of ten ways I’ve found to improve and prioritize your relationship with your wife.
- Show your wife affection
- Treat your wife as special
- You don’t need to win every argument
- Step up as the spiritual leader of your home
- Understand your wife
Show Your Kids Today That You Love Them!
Here are some specific action steps you can take for each area.
Show your wife affection
- Learn your wife’s love languages. Discover how she best expresses and feels loved. Work on communicating love to her in these ways. her love language, not yours.
- Read through Ephesians 5, and look at the ways that a husband is called to love his wife. I see three main aspects of love here:
– Love your wife with a sacrificial love. Love you wife enough to be willing to pay any price to enable her to serve Christ.
– Love your wife with a sanctifying love. Set your wife apart and love her like no other.
– Love your wife with a satisfying love. Don’t view your marriage as simply a way to get your own needs met. It’s a two way street. - Be vulnerable with your wife. Ask her for ways that you do get your love across.
- Ask her what you’re not doing, and how you can start doing it.
- If you can’t seem to get started here, seek out a professional marriage counselor.
Treat your wife as special
- Read 1 Peter 3:7 together. Discuss these four things:
– Treat her with respect. She deserves your honor and is worthy of complete and total respect.
– Be considerate to her needs, her physical needs, spiritual needs, and emotional needs.
– Help her out. Your role is to help her, protect her, care for her and help her carry her burdens.
– She is your co-heir in Christ. Work together, as equals in this marriage partnership. - Take the time to develop some ideas how 1 Peter 3:7 would look in your marriage. Write these ideas down. Act on them.
- Eliminate any habits of yours that annoy your wife. Show her how much you’re trying.
- Purchase and read His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard F Harley
You don’t need to win every argument
- Swap pet peeves. Does your wife do something that just irritates you? I’m pretty sure you do something that irritates her as well. So swap. You offer to work on that area she doesn’t like if she’ll work on her area that you don’t like.
- Never use the words “You always….” or “You never…” Here are a few quick steps to eliminate hurtful words like these:
– Stop the hurtful words
– Take the time to cool off
– Reflect on your own feelings
– Dig deeper to see what the root is
– Deal with it quickly. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.
– Forgive and forget.
– Seek help from others if you can’t do this on your own. - In order to drop the discouraging words, replace them with encouraging words.
– First, give praise to God. Thank him for the wife he’s given you.
– Second, praise your wife! Tell her the things you love about her. And tell her frequently.
Step up as the spiritual leader of your home
- Pray. Pray for your wife. Pray for your kids. And pray that God grows you in this role as spiritual leader in your home.
- Listen. Give your wife your attention. And when you do, make it your undivided attention. Focus on what she is saying. Be fully present.
- Put your family first. Set work aside and focus on them when you are with them. Prioritize your family. This will help your wife and kids feel like they matter to you, that they are important.
- Love them. No matter what they do.
- Live what you believe. Be willing to walk according to God’s Word, and ask your wife for forgiveness when you fail.
- Seize the moment. Make the time to spend with your wife and family together. Share your heart. Explain why you do things the way you do. Pray together.
- Schedule date nights. Make the time to spend with your wife, without the kids. Share your vision and goals for your marriage, and for your family. Pray with her.
- Don’t create unrealistic expectations for your wife. And do what you can do, the best you can.
- If you don’t know where to start, start small. Start with family devotions, maybe a couple times a week. There are a couple of resources for this listed in the episode notes for this DadCast on DeliberateDads.com.
- Pray together.
- Seek forgiveness when you fail.
- Have someone hold you accountable for your spiritual leadership in your family.
- Grab any good ideas from any other sources that you think might work in your situation. Like DeliberateDads.com. That’s what it’s here for.
Understand your wife
- When you come home, ask how her day went.
- Ask her if she’s had any downtime today. And if she hasn’t, enable that to happen.
- Grab the kids and go for a walk, bike ride, run some errands, and give her a break.
- Do the dishes with the kids after dinner for her.
- Shower her with words of appreciation, like “I understand! Your day would have certainly done me in! It means so much to me that you take such good care of the kids and our home. Thank you!”
- Give her a night out, without you. Keep the kids, do dinner for them, and allow her to have an evening with some friends.
- Schedule a night out, with you. You take care of getting the sitter, and take her someplace nice for some time together.f her day has been rough, take some action. Corral the kids, play a game, watch TV, allow her to retreat for a half hour or an hour with a book, or to take a bath, so she can have a few moments of quiet.
- Spend quality time with your wife and kids, on a regular basis.
Summary Question
How do you prioritize your relationship with your wife? We will discuss five more ways in the next episode of The DadCast, but what else would you add in the meantime? You can leave your thoughts in the comments section below.
Be deliberate, Dad!
Subscription Links
If you enjoyed listening to the DadCast, please consider subscribing for more episodes:
Your Feedback
If you have an idea for a DadCast you would like to see or a question about how you can become a more deliberate dad, feel free to contact me.
Also, if you enjoyed this podcast, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That would help tremendously in getting the word out! Thanks!